Source: http://thoughtcatalog.com/lauren-jarvis-gibson/2016/09/the-ugly-truth-about-almost-relationships-and-why-ill-never-do-it-again/

I never thought I could get myself into an ‘almost relationship’, one that starts out fast, and ends fast. And I never thought that an ‘almost relationship’ could also break my heart.

The thing about ‘almost relationships’ is that there is potential for an actual relationship. It could bloom into one, right? And that’s the exact downfall about it. You keep hoping and praying that it’s going to turn into something beautiful. You keep thinking that it will until he texts you that he has changed his mind.

You keep thinking that it’ll turn into a love story, until he really does change his mind and walks out.

I was positive it was going to work out with this guy. I got giddy when I saw him. My heart beat out of my chest when I was with him, and I felt breathless in his presence. I introduced him to my friends. I slept over at his place. I told him my deepest secrets. I kissed him like I could only kiss a boyfriend. I gladly, let him walk into my life.

And I never expected him to walk out.

You never expect people to let you down when you feel strongly about them. You never expect yourself to fall for someone who has the audacity to do that to you. But sometimes, people blindside you.

People change their minds in a day. People walk out. People leave.

I thought it was my fault, truth be told. It seemed like he had done a 360 degree turn. One day he was kissing me and telling me I was beautiful, and the next he was saying goodbye with no remorse. I thought it was me that was the problem. Could I have done something to change his mind? Could I have said something wrong?

But it wasn’t my fault at all. It was his. He wasn’t ready. And he found another pretty little thing to play with soon after. 

With ‘almost relationships’, there are always going to be questions. But it’s not your fault if it goes awry. If he walks out, it isn’t you. It isn’t what you said or what you did. It’s just him. It’s his issue and his loss.

‘Almost relationships’ can be incredibly heartbreaking.

Even more so than a breakup from a significant other. Why? Because it can happen suddenly, without warning. And it can end badly. Usually, more often that not, it’s going to end badly.

Don’t put yourself through it. Don’t give your heart to someone who isn’t ready. Don’t let an ‘almost relationship’ break your heart. Don’t welcome someone into your life, without even asking him what he wants or what he sees in his future. I made the mistake of not asking. I made the mistake of falling. I made the mistake of trusting someone, who I thought would never want to break me. Turns out, I guess I didn’t know him well enough.

People do shitty things. And it doesn’t mean that they are bad people. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have hearts. It just means that they sadly were on a different page.

They weren’t ready for the light you shined so brightly. They weren’t ready for your brilliance.

It will sting when they leave you. It’s going to knock the wind out of you, darling. That’s the thing about ‘almost relationships’. They always will knock you down. 

Why should we forgive?

I don't know. In my case I forgive people because I realized I am not perfect. I realized I have made mistakes, and I've done them wrong. That I am also to be blamed why people hurt me because I hurt them, too. Or maybe, I may not have hurt them but I pushed them to act that way. Thoughts like, baka naman kasi ako ang problema, kaya nagawa niya yun.

I also think I forgive people because I finally understand why they hurt me. I finally understand circumstances that lead them to act that way. That it was out of their control; that they did not mean it. That they were really not at fault. That I was just a collateral damage.

I don't think there's anything wrong with these reasons. As a matter of fact, these are the most logical reasons I can think why I should forgive another.

  It's easy to forgive when the other person is not at all evil, and you believe they really deserve forgiveness.

But what if, no matter how hard you think, you can never rationalize why that other person hurt you? What if all you can think of is how evil the other person is for hurting you on purpose? What if all you've shown was kindness but that other person still sought to destroy you?

I mean, di mo naman sila sinaktan. You've been nice to them naman. You did everything you are capable of doing, believing you could be treated similarly.

You gave more than you can give. You loved people more than they deserve. You showed them kindness and love. Wala kang ibang ginawa kundi maging mabuti. But still, they intentionally hurt you. They played you. (And feeling mo you don't deserve to be treated bad kasi you treated them well.)

Are the above-mentioned reasons still applicable? Can you still forgive? If so, why? WHY SHOULD YOU FORGIVE?

Why should you forgive someone, who:
                 #1. Never asked forgiveness (personally and sincerely) from you;
                 #2. Never explained why they hurt you; and
                 #3. Never had any reason to hurt you, but they did anyway.

Di'ba, mahirap? It's hard to forgive someone who you think does not deserve forgiveness.

That even if they ask for it, you'd want them to feel guilty about it. You'd want them to feel remorse, to feel pain, to feel GUILT. Most of all, you want to be even with them. You want revenge.
You want justice for the pain they have caused you.

Would you still want to forgive, when you believe forgiving them also means CONDONING ALL THEIR ACTIONS and letting them off the hook? That forgiving them means MAKING THEM FEEL LESS GUILTY ABOUT THEMSELVES? Would you still want it?

Of course, not.
It's a slight relief to see those who hurt you get, if not hurt, upset. Even the slightest hint of uneasiness on their part is a relief. A big sigh.

But are we happy? Are we okay? Does it take away the heaviness in our heart?

Yes, a little. It does. Uhmmm, no, it doesn't. Wait, let me think.

If we think about it real hard, the heaviness we feel just sticks to the corners of our hearts. It may not be as painful as it originally was, yes; but it's still there in our hearts, heavy as a dumbbell.

You don't recognize it as pain or hurt, anymore. It's something else, something easier to bear with but still as heavy as pain; It's anger.

This anger consumes us. It's addictive and, at the same time, comforting.

In my experience, I think it's good to dwell into anger.
I mean, nung mga time na galit ako sa taong nanakit sa akin, I was so productive.
Ang busy ko bigla; lakad dito, lakad doon. Aral double time, busi-busyhan kahit di naman. Kasi ayaw mo isipin ang taong nanakit sa'yo kasi lalo ka lang maiinis.

Then one day during those 'angry' times, I suddenly feel wiser and better because I am comforted with thoughts like, eto sasabihin mo sa sarili mo, 'Worth it ka. Hindi mo deserve masaktan.' 'Di naman siya kagwapuhan, ah?' 'Ano bang pinagmamalaki niya?' 'Hindi ko naman yun siya ka-level, bat ba ako nag-aadjust?' 'Hindi siya worth it' and many more. After that, I don't feel like crying or hurting anymore.

Di'ba aminin, it's good to dwell into anger. You feel like you can finally think straight. Nakakapag-isip ka na nang tama, nakaka-develop ka pa talaga ng self-worth.
But even so, don't dwell on it too long.

Yes, hate helps; but too much of it ruins the core of our being. It loses our identity.

Hate kills a part of us that is beautiful. In reality, hate doesn't make us better. It makes us bitter.
More so, it places that person who hurt you in a permanent place in your heart. That hate becomes your identity. You become jaded to that hate and  to that person. You are confined to that hate; and as much as we deny it, that hate makes us think more and more of that person.

With that confinement to hate, we fail to see beautiful things and people that come our way. We fail to appreciate honesty, integrity and love. In other words, we get stuck in a seemingly sad reality where nothing good ever happens.
While everything else is moving on, you are still there...stuck.

Hate becomes this chain shackling you to the past polluting your heart with bitterness, fear, distrust and anger. Hate is just another way of holding on...and you don't want that anymore.

After giving it some time, I have come up with these beautiful reasons to forgive.

I am not saying that after making up this list I have already granted forgiveness. It's not that easy.
In my case, I am yet to forgive the person who caused me pain; but still, I'm relieved to know I have in me that drive to forgive. I am happy that I am actually capable of forgiving. Just allow it to take time.

So, again, WHY SHOULD WE FORGIVE?

Forgive...
Because it doesn't help to be angry.
As cliche as it sounds, forgive because it's the best thing to do.

Forgive, not because you want to mend ties, but because you don't want to burn bridges.
Forgive because you are not destructive; you are kind and pure.

Forgive because you want to wake up every day with a lighter heart.
Forgive because you don't want to miss out on a lot of beautiful things in life.

Forgive because life is easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.

Forgive because you want to get well and move on. You want to be free from all attachments that came with the pain and anger. Forgive because you want to let go.

Forgive because you want freedom.

Forgive because you want peace of mind.

Forgive because you know your worth. You know you are someone genuine and precious and that you deserve to be happy.

Forgive because you love yourself more than you hate the person.

Forgive because you do it for yourself. Forgive because you choose YOU.
Forgive because you value yourself.

Forgive, not because that person deserves it, but because you deserve it.

Forgive so that you may heal.



Forgive because you owe it to yourself.

(Photo not mine.)

For those of you who do not know Jing Monis, well, he is like the star of hairstylists. After all, he is the stylist of famous stars we idolize, right?

Jing Monis is known to have styled famous personalities such as Anne Curtis, Kathryn Bernardo, Julia Baretto, Erich Gonzales and many more.
For non-celebrities like us, the closest we could get to being touched by Jing's magical hands is to avail the services of his well-renowned salons.

Lucky for us Davaoenas, Hair Philosophie by Jing Monis is only a drive-away.

Hair Philosophie is located at the 2nd Floor of Abreeza-Ayala Corporate Center, along JP Laurel street.

Out of curiosity, I wanted to have the 'feels' of what it's like to experience Jing's magic.

Although I don't really need a haircut that time, a new hair color or any treatment, I really felt I wanted to.

IMPULSIVE. I know, right?

Partly I blame the stuff I was going through that time: a heartbreak and a bad day at Law school. Sounds pretty cliche but really I wanted to look different to feel different.

I don't know if they do this regularly but they served snacks and tea. Yaaay, perfect!

So I came in the salon that fateful day and checked in with the counter my salon appointment. I was booked for 1pm.

I was introduced to my stylist Rich Lee Chua (IG: @richleechua) by the front desk lady.

Now, Rich here is very easy to work with.

He asked me what I wanted. I said in the exact words, 'I want something different.'

In my mind, I don't want to be that plain Jane but I also don't want to be that edgy Madonna. But that time, I couldn't really tell the difference. (If you wanted me to be decisive, that time could be the wrong-est time ever. Gulo gulo lang din buhay ko, no?lol)

SO... In other words, I walked into the salon not knowing what I wanted. I WANTED A MIRACLE, that must be it.

Like a fairy godmother sent to me that day, Rich knew exactly what he wants to do with me.

He told me he's going to cut my hair a few inches, and that he's going to add color to my hair.
I was a little, uhmmm, worried when he said he's going to cut it inches more. 

I've always been the long/mid-length hair kind of girl, so those words were not at all that comforting.

Plus, he said he's going to color my hair with light beige with a touch of RED. Yes, he said RED.  I got more worried because red was never really in my list of ideal hair color. Run, girl.

I was about to panic and leave the salon.
I thought, 'Gel, masyado kang impulsive. Baka di mo naman kaya panindigan. Pagsisihan mo pa. Wag na. May pinagdadaanan ka lang.'

But then, Rich reassured me. 'Girl, you'll love it. It's going to be different, and you'll love it. TRUST ME.'

How can I trust you? I barely know you; you barely know me. How could you expect me to put my heart, este, hair in your hands when you don't even know my favorite food or color? HAHAHA! :)

But like I said, that time I was so lost.

So, I trusted blindly. After all, it's not the first time that I trusted someone BLINDLY.

So, why not?

'TRUST him, he's not going to disappoint you. He has a good reputation and a good heart,' I said. Like I always say when I see goodness in people.
I don't really know if this is a good thing, you know, yung being so trusting and unsuspecting.
But, oh well. Here goes.

So I sat in the salon chair and held on to dear life. Lord, please tell me this a good decision. HAHAHA!

I sat for 2-3 hours as Rich and his assistant worked their way to achieve that 'different' look.

After the cut and color, Rich said he's going to do a Macadamia treatment on my hair. So, I stayed there for another 30 minutes to an hour.

Then came the finishing touches.

After everything was done, I. WAS. IMPRESSED.

Perhaps this is the only impulsive decision I have made during those lost times that is not at-all REGRETTING.

I mean, buti pa sa haircut ko di ako nabokya.

Impulsive nga, worth it naman. Yung iba ko decisions? Worth it, ba? awww. HAHAHA

But anyway, 

I loved my hair.

I looked so good, so pretty and so different.

AND yes, I felt good.

I was so satisfied.

Alam niyo yung sabi na 'To feel good, you have to look good', yes?Ganun na ganun ang feeling ko after, teh.

The cut was fine. It made me look edgy, and not at all fat.

The color was to die for. I loved it. I did not expect that the color was not really loud as a I feared it to be. It was just the right shade. It was a soft red on a beige/brown accentuated hair. It's a first, for me, to try on this color. It's beautiful.

Finally, the Macadamia treatment was amazing. It made my hair feel so alive and bouncy. I don't know what sorcery they did but, really, its going to make you want it more.

Buti pa sa salon, gugustuhin mong ulit ulitin ang pagiging impulsive. Unlike falling for wrong people, the salon won't make you regret your decisions.

Rich curled my hair just so I'd feel extra special. :)

Hair Philosophie is indeed a safe-haven for me. No worries, no regrets.

PS.

Shoutout to my awesome hairstylist, Rich Lee Chua.

You can book him for your hair fantasies.

I swear, he's going to work his magic on you like a pro.

Just ask for him at the front desk, or reach him through these numbers for bookings.

Mobile 0917 329 1981 / 0998 859 3688 or landline (082) 296 4465.

I also bumped into Mommy Van of myteenagekidandme.com who also had her hair done at Hair Philosophie.

To know more about the salons rates and services, you can call them or check the photo below.

I know this person who always tried to live up to everybody's expectations: her parents', siblings', friends', enemies' and even her own expectations.
Like a Maserati car, she was adored and envied for self control and unbelievable standards.

The Maserati (Angel, 2016)
[PHOTO NOT MINE]

I think everyone saw her to have set her own rules, standards and pace which no one ever questioned. (She liked not being questioned. She was in control. Or so she thought she was.)

Everything was going well for her... Like driving alone in a newly-made concrete road, it was easy; smooth to say the least.

But despite everything being so perfect, she lost control.. Rather, she let herself lose control.
She realized she wanted to.
Like in driving, she liked the adrenaline that came with the 200mph drive without thinking and no hitting the breaks.

'DON'T THINK, JUST DRIVE', she said.




Only to realize sooner that she can't handle it.

SHE'S NO DRIFTER or SPEED RACER.
She's a Maserati car who liked the 60kph speed.
So she stepped on the breaks, and abandoned that reckless daydream of speeding away.

FINALLY, SHE STOPPED TO SEE THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS, THE SIGNS AND THE PEOPLE WAIVING HER TO HALT.

Relieved, she was. But it's a little late though. The precious Maserati got scarred. Not substantially, but still scarred.

Although a lot still looked up to her the same way,SHE NEVER LOOKED AT HERSELF SIMILARLY EVER AGAIN.

There's no bigger disappointment than the disappointment you get from yourself.

She had so high expectations of herself that a little scar made her act like a complete wreck.She wanted to be perfect again. She did not disappoint anyone, not that she know of. But she definitely disappointed herself.

So I told this beautiful, sad and disappointed Maserati, 'Forgive yourself.'
And so she did.

Last May 16, 2014, Davao Bloggers Society held its annual Acquaintance Party. This time, the event took place at White House Fusion Cuisine and Wine Lounge located at Camella Northpoint, JP Laurel, Davao City.

Despite being a yearly event, the DBS Acquaintance Party always have something special to offer its members.

One very special surprise was the announcement of the exclusive partnership of the Davao Bloggers Society and Smart Communications. Now, Smart will always be a part of our every activity, making the blogging community here in Davao bigger and stronger. Thank you, Smart! :)

The Exclusive Partnership of DBS and Smart.

One thing that we also, always, look forward to every year are the games, food and raffle prizes.
Here are a few photos taken during the event.

Socialization.

In this photo I was introducing the person seated in front of me. It was Romeo.

Charades.

Hi Ate Ria.*wink*

Ate Sweet, two words?

English, Sheen?

We all felt more comfortable with each other after the games. However, our team felt prouder than the other teams. Why? BECAUSE WE WON THE GUESSING GAME. Hurrah for Team Competitive!

We won! We each got a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and free passes to Davao Crocodile Park.

Most Punctual Awardees.

Being early has its perks. Thank you, Krispy Kreme!

Raffle.

I won a gift certificate from NCCC. Thank you NCCC!

This guy was so lucky that night that he decided to share his luck with me.
He gave me the GlamourBox he won. Thank you, Ton and Glamourbox!

... It's been a while since I've last met these people, and since the Acquaintance Party gathered us back, I took the opportunity to pose with them for a photo.

Powerpuff Beshies: Ate Quimz and Ate Julz. ♥

with Shoti and Mark.

Pretty ladies. *wink*

All in all, the event was a success. Thanks to the efforts put up by our hardworking officers and  by our generous sponsors.

A big thank you to: (You can show some love by liking them on Facebook. Just click the links below.)

• Smart Communications
• MySkin Origins
• Krispy Kreme
• Lachis Sans Rival
• The White House Fusion Cuisine and Wine Lounge
• Sun Life Financial
• Air Asia
• Campaigns & Grey
• TGIFridays
• Bulgogi Brothers
• Italiannis
• Eden Nature Park  and Resort
• Crocodile Park
• Maxima Aquafun Resort
• SM City Davao
• SM Lanang Premier
• NCCC
• Martish Marketing 
• Glamourbox
• Marco Polo Hotel Davao
• Alor’s – A Home Kitchen
• Waterfront Insular Hotel Davao
• Annipie

I take pride in being a member of this wonderful community. I've grown so much as a blogger and as a person ever since I entered DBS more than 2 years ago.


That is probably why I really enjoyed the Acquaintance Party because of the nostalgic feeling of remembering my first ever event. It was a life changing event because it led me to not only finding new friends but to finding a family, The DBS Family.


Thank you again DBS for this joyful memory!
I'm looking forward for more.~~~

In DBS, I did not find it hard to fit in. Just like family, the pieces automatically fit. ♥

All photos used above are not mine. Credits to Red Agreda of Alfredo Agreda Photography + Creatives for the wonderful photos. Follow him on Instagram @HaringPula .

Hi. It's nice to see you, again. It's nice to be with you again. How long has it been? 6 months? A year? It seems we really lost touch of the things we used to do together. Ohhhh, the days. I still remember how bitter we parted. Or should I say, how bitter I was when we parted. LOL.

Looking back, I realized you never did anything wrong. I was the one to blame for getting my own heart broken. You were innocent.. You didn't act out; you just played a good friend. Right? You didn't know what was going on. You didn't know what was coming.

 I was the one stupid enough to think something was up. I was the one who always assumed that my thoughts will reach yours. I was the one who disregarded the evidences of your disinterest. I was the one who broke my own walls to reach out to you. I was the one who caught myself off-guard. I was the one who was holding you, always clinging on to you.. It was never two-way. It never was.

When i got hurt, we parted. No words, just space. I secretly took grudge,thinking you led me on then broke my heart. But then, now I know, I was the one at fault. You didn't know. AND, it's not your fault you didn't feel the way I do.

I CARED TOO MUCH. That was my mistake. I BELIEVED TOO MUCH IN LOVE STORIES and the type where everything will work out with hidden feelings and secret crushes. HAHA. I guess, reality sank in to me the hard way.

Anyways, now that our roads crossed paths again, I WILL NEVER LET THE SAME MISTAKE ruin us.

FROM NOW ON, I will make it up to you.
I will no longer see you the way I see fireworks in the sky.
I will never feel about you the way my stomach feels on an extreme ride at a theme park.
I will not let my hands hold you the way I hold an antique vase.

As promised, I will loosen the grip. Forget what I always keep.

You can count on me that from this day forward, we will always be friends. JUST FRIENDS, No more no less.

JUST FRIENDS, just the way everything had always been before we were put to the test.

"Sorry, minahal kita. Hayaan mo, di na mauulit."
SWEAR! :)


Sincerely,

ANGEL ♥

"Twists and turns;

Frowns and smiles.

Heads and tails;

Black and white.

Everything wasn't perfect;

But still, things went right.

Everything was stressful;

But then again, tonight was alright."

A brief expression of how I feel after the CPA Convocation we had tonight. ♥

SNEAK PEEK:

WARNING: long post alert!

We all have friends we don't always see very often. Friends we may not have seen or spoken with in months, years, decades (or centuries). Due to circumstances, group bonding and/or hang outs sometimes tend to be almost impossible to set. The next thing you know, connection between friends cut loose, misunderstandings are fathomless, and all the important things you've been through get forgotten. So before that tragic end comes to reality,we should all know well to relive the glory days of friendship at least once in a while.

In my case, most of my high school friends are often the people I failed to see over the years that passed by. Well, you can't really blame me nor my internet connection for being my best companion in lonely days. But, really, college has been an entirely different and consuming experience for me. Okay, college basically ate up the fun in my life.. Even so, I'm very happy being in college for letting me meet great new friends to whom I really had great moments with through ups and downs, hell and back. But still, there's always the "longing" to be with friends from the younger, best & stupidest years of my life highschool. Friends who have proven their worth through the test of time.

I know this is supposed to be a food post, but I'm so overwhelmed that I didn't notice my introduction is already lengthy. I'm so overwhelmed I also think I'm about to cry. Now it's all too personal for me. chos! Pero pasagdai lang gud ko, akoa bitaw ni'ng blog. hahahahaha!

More thoughts. The point is --- I missed my best friends, my high school friends and barkadas, my SP (St. Peter class) family and my HIGH SCHOOL as a whole. I think its unhealthy that we don't see each other very often. Although, I'm thankful to Facebook, Twitter and other SNS that we still get in touch somehow, I'm sad that the SNS postings are the only ways you get updated with their lives.

However, I'm a bit relieved because I got to meet again one of the great friends I had during those roller-coaster but awesome 4-years of my life, Luvley.

Last November 6, Luvley and I decided to meet each other over coffee at Chicco di Caffe, Roxas Blvd, Davao City. I was so eager to know more stories about her life now as a model (mind you, Luvley has become more beautiful over the years), beauty secrets and regimens. But what I was more eager to discuss with her was her blooming new love interest. (Luvley's fans, sorry. I will no longer go into the details of our discussion.)

During our chat, I felt more connected with her. I also felt honored not just because she is a wonderful friend, but also because she is such an honest and sincere friend for trusting me enough to listen to her share her pains and joys. I really had a great time with her. We've had laughs. We've broken surprises (somebody spilled shocking revelations, too. haha.. shhhh). And most of all, we felt good just being there. It felt infinite; it was epic!

Okay, so asa na ang about sa food diri? :)))))))))

I have to give credits to Chicco di Caffe for the awesome time I had with Luvley. If it wasn't for the comfy and quiet place, great refreshments and friendly services, I doubt we would have that same uninterrupted and spontaneous conversations.

eto na talaga ang about sa Chicco di Caffe.

 Chicco di Caffe has numerous branches all over Davao. But I find Chicco di Caffe- Roxas branch the most convenient place among the branches.The Roxas branch is the nearest Chicco di Caffe branch to my school (UIC) and Luvley's (AdDU). After all, the place is also spacious and peaceful. In addition, they have nice and polite employees.

Since we had this afternoon scheduled for a long talk, Luvley and I ordered refreshments alone. I had the famous Chicco di Caffe signature Coffee Halo-Halo while Luvley had the Coffee Jelly Frappe.

Coffee Halo-Halo. ♥

I love the Coffee Halo-Halo.. I like how they've made use of shaved iced coffee instead of the plain shaved ice. The coffee ice cream on the top of the halo-halo was also a great addition to it's plating and taste. All in all, the Coffee Halo-Halo is a two-thumbs up!

Coffee Jelly Frappe ♥

I asked my friend Luvley on her thoughts about the Coffee Jelly Frappe she ordered.
Her comment:

"Lami, kasing lami sa pagmamahal ni ***** .. haha" referring to someone special.

She added,

"Lami kay favorite nako siya. And mas ganahan ko ato kesa sa ubang coffee jelly sa laing coffee shop kay tama ang timpla. Dli siya pait man gud, ang uban kay pait, makasakit ug ulo."

Judging from her comment, I believe Luvley really liked her frappe and I think the frappe really suited her taste. She even claimed she preferred this Coffee Jelly Frappe over the ones she previously had from other coffee shops. hmmmm. Maybe I'll try this Coffee Jelly Frappe some other time, too. :)

Anyway, our 3 and half-hour date has come to its conclusion. So, after emptying out our goblet cups, we headed out the cafe wearing big smiles; satisfied souls, taste-buds and stomachs.


Stolen Shots of Ms. Luvley Mae Amoguis.

Until our next date.

xoxo,

ANGEL ♥

NOTE: bla bla bla. It's just one of my useless rants. You're free to leave or read. Whatever. Just to warn you, this post is pointless and really boring. if you're here to waste time, to waste your life or to... just be nosy...well, knock yourself out.here it goes!

Back when i was in high school, I always had this thin, plain figure.

around 4th year, I had medications for my allergies which I believed to have greatly contributed to my increasing weight. But still, it was a considerable petite figure.

Then, college came. I. GAINED. WEIGHT. and I mean, ALOOOOOT OF WEIGHT.

And NOW, I'm having guilty feelings why I never cared for my figure.

I mean, I think every girl should take care of their looks; I should have taken care of my looks.
But what did I do? I don't know. I don't know where I went wrong.
I could blame it to my school for giving me a lot of stresses. Yes! It could have been the stress! The lack of time for exercise, the friends who always ask me out, yadda yadda yadda. I could blame it to a lot of factors. Hell, who knows? I might even blame the government for my weight-gain. Duh?!

I don't remember how it happened. But yes, I gained weight.

(segue) I don't understand how I feel right now. THIS GUILT. uhmmmmm, why am I even writing this post? urgggggh..

Anyways, I was looking at my ugly fat photos on my album on Facebook. Then I came across these photos:

mejo malaman, pero sexy. nye. :P

gaaaahd, I want those arms back. xD

look at those thighs. ;(

layers but still, I look flattering in this slimmer look. I mean, ang bukton oh?

the legs, the arms and the face.... gahwd, I miss this look. :((

 THESE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN LAST YEAR. I was on my third year in college when these photos were taken.

YES! I know. I'm even puzzled. Why am I not fat in these photos?
I looked for more photos around the time that these photos were taken. But, I still looked thin. Aba, paano ako pumayat? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? o_O

Tapos ngayon? HA! NEVERMIND.
I don't look exactly as thin as I was in high school in these photos, but I think I'm halfway getting back to my younger body if I just kept track. Gaaaaad! pwede makonsensya? An'yare?

I remember having the best year (yet) in my college life last year because of my attitude; because of MY CONFIDENCE.
That's it! I had more confidence last year because I was thinner and lighter. I smiled a lot and I found rummaging thru my wardrobe no longer that hard since I get to wear with confidence everything in my closet because everything fit me well. Unlike today, ilang beses ako kung makapagbihis bago umalis ng bahay dahil di na kasya, obvious ang love handles, nakakataba ang damit, etc... Dati, I could get to wear whatever I could think of.

Gosh, I wish I'd get back to that slimmer and thinner look. Kahit di na katulad nung high school look, kahit yung last year lang na look. pwede na! Para I don't feel as bad as I do right now. I wish to remove this guilt, this insecurity.

I want to have smaller waist, thinner limbs, spaces between my legs, really obvious collar bones, etc. Pero, PAANO?

How to be fit? to lose weight? to be sexy? hahaha. I'm so pathetic. But really, I think I need a lifestyle and diet check. any tips? ideas? Pls let me know. Please be kind enough to help me with this dilemma. :)
I just need a boost and helping ideas.

I plan to start my diet asap. Since gabing gabi na, I think I'd start my diet tomorrow. NO JUNKS. NO COLORED DRINKS. AND, 30mins working out on our ELLIPTICAL TRAINERS. This should work. I mean, I'll make it work. I'll be disciplined enough to make this an everyday routine. This will last long and hindi lang to hanggang bukas, right? (I'm really pathetic. I'm convincing myself. I sound so stupid. gaaaaahd! )

Plus, I PLAN TO SLEEP EARLY starting tonight.

So, I guess this ends my pointless rant tonight. I hope I can keep this in mind. Fingers-crossed.
DIET. EXERCISE. SLEEP.
 
Good night!

xoxo,

ANGEL   ♥