Insecurities and Guilts.

NOTE: bla bla bla. It's just one of my useless rants. You're free to leave or read. Whatever. Just to warn you, this post is pointless and really boring. if you're here to waste time, to waste your life or to... just be nosy...well, knock yourself it goes!

Back when i was in high school, I always had this thin, plain figure.

around 4th year, I had medications for my allergies which I believed to have greatly contributed to my increasing weight. But still, it was a considerable petite figure.

Then, college came. I. GAINED. WEIGHT. and I mean, ALOOOOOT OF WEIGHT.

And NOW, I'm having guilty feelings why I never cared for my figure.

I mean, I think every girl should take care of their looks; I should have taken care of my looks.
But what did I do? I don't know. I don't know where I went wrong.
I could blame it to my school for giving me a lot of stresses. Yes! It could have been the stress! The lack of time for exercise, the friends who always ask me out, yadda yadda yadda. I could blame it to a lot of factors. Hell, who knows? I might even blame the government for my weight-gain. Duh?!

I don't remember how it happened. But yes, I gained weight.

(segue) I don't understand how I feel right now. THIS GUILT. uhmmmmm, why am I even writing this post? urgggggh..

Anyways, I was looking at my ugly fat photos on my album on Facebook. Then I came across these photos:
mejo malaman, pero sexy. nye. :P

gaaaahd, I want those arms back. xD

look at those thighs. ;(

layers but still, I look flattering in this slimmer look. I mean, ang bukton oh?

the legs, the arms and the face.... gahwd, I miss this look. :((

 THESE PHOTOS WERE TAKEN LAST YEAR. I was on my third year in college when these photos were taken.

YES! I know. I'm even puzzled. Why am I not fat in these photos?
I looked for more photos around the time that these photos were taken. But, I still looked thin. Aba, paano ako pumayat? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? o_O

Tapos ngayon? HA! NEVERMIND.
I don't look exactly as thin as I was in high school in these photos, but I think I'm halfway getting back to my younger body if I just kept track. Gaaaaad! pwede makonsensya? An'yare?

I remember having the best year (yet) in my college life last year because of my attitude; because of MY CONFIDENCE.
That's it! I had more confidence last year because I was thinner and lighter. I smiled a lot and I found rummaging thru my wardrobe no longer that hard since I get to wear with confidence everything in my closet because everything fit me well. Unlike today, ilang beses ako kung makapagbihis bago umalis ng bahay dahil di na kasya, obvious ang love handles, nakakataba ang damit, etc... Dati, I could get to wear whatever I could think of.

Gosh, I wish I'd get back to that slimmer and thinner look. Kahit di na katulad nung high school look, kahit yung last year lang na look. pwede na! Para I don't feel as bad as I do right now. I wish to remove this guilt, this insecurity.

I want to have smaller waist, thinner limbs, spaces between my legs, really obvious collar bones, etc. Pero, PAANO?

How to be fit? to lose weight? to be sexy? hahaha. I'm so pathetic. But really, I think I need a lifestyle and diet check. any tips? ideas? Pls let me know. Please be kind enough to help me with this dilemma. :)
I just need a boost and helping ideas.

I plan to start my diet asap. Since gabing gabi na, I think I'd start my diet tomorrow. NO JUNKS. NO COLORED DRINKS. AND, 30mins working out on our ELLIPTICAL TRAINERS. This should work. I mean, I'll make it work. I'll be disciplined enough to make this an everyday routine. This will last long and hindi lang to hanggang bukas, right? (I'm really pathetic. I'm convincing myself. I sound so stupid. gaaaaahd! )

Plus, I PLAN TO SLEEP EARLY starting tonight.

So, I guess this ends my pointless rant tonight. I hope I can keep this in mind. Fingers-crossed.
Good night!



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