Why We Should Forgive Those Who Hurt Us

Why should we forgive?

I don't know. In my case I forgive people because I realized I am not perfect. I realized I have made mistakes, and I've done them wrong. That I am also to be blamed why people hurt me because I hurt them, too. Or maybe, I may not have hurt them but I pushed them to act that way. Thoughts like, baka naman kasi ako ang problema, kaya nagawa niya yun.

I also think I forgive people because I finally understand why they hurt me. I finally understand circumstances that lead them to act that way. That it was out of their control; that they did not mean it. That they were really not at fault. That I was just a collateral damage.

I don't think there's anything wrong with these reasons. As a matter of fact, these are the most logical reasons I can think why I should forgive another.

  It's easy to forgive when the other person is not at all evil, and you believe they really deserve forgiveness.

But what if, no matter how hard you think, you can never rationalize why that other person hurt you? What if all you can think of is how evil the other person is for hurting you on purpose? What if all you've shown was kindness but that other person still sought to destroy you?

I mean, di mo naman sila sinaktan. You've been nice to them naman. You did everything you are capable of doing, believing you could be treated similarly.

You gave more than you can give. You loved people more than they deserve. You showed them kindness and love. Wala kang ibang ginawa kundi maging mabuti. But still, they intentionally hurt you. They played you. (And feeling mo you don't deserve to be treated bad kasi you treated them well.)

Are the above-mentioned reasons still applicable? Can you still forgive? If so, why? WHY SHOULD YOU FORGIVE?

Why should you forgive someone, who:
                 #1. Never asked forgiveness (personally and sincerely) from you;
                 #2. Never explained why they hurt you; and
                 #3. Never had any reason to hurt you, but they did anyway.

Di'ba, mahirap? It's hard to forgive someone who you think does not deserve forgiveness.

That even if they ask for it, you'd want them to feel guilty about it. You'd want them to feel remorse, to feel pain, to feel GUILT. Most of all, you want to be even with them. You want revenge.
You want justice for the pain they have caused you.

Would you still want to forgive, when you believe forgiving them also means CONDONING ALL THEIR ACTIONS and letting them off the hook? That forgiving them means MAKING THEM FEEL LESS GUILTY ABOUT THEMSELVES? Would you still want it?

Of course, not.
It's a slight relief to see those who hurt you get, if not hurt, upset. Even the slightest hint of uneasiness on their part is a relief. A big sigh.

But are we happy? Are we okay? Does it take away the heaviness in our heart?

Yes, a little. It does. Uhmmm, no, it doesn't. Wait, let me think.

If we think about it real hard, the heaviness we feel just sticks to the corners of our hearts. It may not be as painful as it originally was, yes; but it's still there in our hearts, heavy as a dumbbell.

You don't recognize it as pain or hurt, anymore. It's something else, something easier to bear with but still as heavy as pain; It's anger.

This anger consumes us. It's addictive and, at the same time, comforting.

In my experience, I think it's good to dwell into anger.
I mean, nung mga time na galit ako sa taong nanakit sa akin, I was so productive.
Ang busy ko bigla; lakad dito, lakad doon. Aral double time, busi-busyhan kahit di naman. Kasi ayaw mo isipin ang taong nanakit sa'yo kasi lalo ka lang maiinis.

Then one day during those 'angry' times, I suddenly feel wiser and better because I am comforted with thoughts like, eto sasabihin mo sa sarili mo, 'Worth it ka. Hindi mo deserve masaktan.' 'Di naman siya kagwapuhan, ah?' 'Ano bang pinagmamalaki niya?' 'Hindi ko naman yun siya ka-level, bat ba ako nag-aadjust?' 'Hindi siya worth it' and many more. After that, I don't feel like crying or hurting anymore.

Di'ba aminin, it's good to dwell into anger. You feel like you can finally think straight. Nakakapag-isip ka na nang tama, nakaka-develop ka pa talaga ng self-worth.
But even so, don't dwell on it too long.

Yes, hate helps; but too much of it ruins the core of our being. It loses our identity.

Hate kills a part of us that is beautiful. In reality, hate doesn't make us better. It makes us bitter.
More so, it places that person who hurt you in a permanent place in your heart. That hate becomes your identity. You become jaded to that hate and  to that person. You are confined to that hate; and as much as we deny it, that hate makes us think more and more of that person.

With that confinement to hate, we fail to see beautiful things and people that come our way. We fail to appreciate honesty, integrity and love. In other words, we get stuck in a seemingly sad reality where nothing good ever happens.
While everything else is moving on, you are still there...stuck.

Hate becomes this chain shackling you to the past polluting your heart with bitterness, fear, distrust and anger. Hate is just another way of holding on...and you don't want that anymore.

After giving it some time, I have come up with these beautiful reasons to forgive.

I am not saying that after making up this list I have already granted forgiveness. It's not that easy.
In my case, I am yet to forgive the person who caused me pain; but still, I'm relieved to know I have in me that drive to forgive. I am happy that I am actually capable of forgiving. Just allow it to take time.

So, again, WHY SHOULD WE FORGIVE?

Forgive...
Because it doesn't help to be angry.
As cliche as it sounds, forgive because it's the best thing to do.

Forgive, not because you want to mend ties, but because you don't want to burn bridges.
Forgive because you are not destructive; you are kind and pure.

Forgive because you want to wake up every day with a lighter heart.
Forgive because you don't want to miss out on a lot of beautiful things in life.

Forgive because life is easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.

Forgive because you want to get well and move on. You want to be free from all attachments that came with the pain and anger. Forgive because you want to let go.

Forgive because you want freedom.

Forgive because you want peace of mind.

Forgive because you know your worth. You know you are someone genuine and precious and that you deserve to be happy.

Forgive because you love yourself more than you hate the person.

Forgive because you do it for yourself. Forgive because you choose YOU.
Forgive because you value yourself.

Forgive, not because that person deserves it, but because you deserve it.

Forgive so that you may heal.



Forgive because you owe it to yourself.

(Photo not mine.)