FRUSTRATION, and ARTIFICIAL HAPPINESS

okay, so im a bit stressed out lately.

uhmmm, something about school, carreer and LOVELIFE (as if nman seryoso ako sa topic na yan). ahaha

anyways, frustration is known to be the feeling you get when you want something but eventually you can not have it. hmmmmpp.

so now, you probably have a clue why im frustrated. and by wanting something, i meant SOMEONE,.

uhhmm, how do i start. ok, well. there's this guy in school that i had a crush with since september (that was after our PE Night 1).. LOL, it all started at PE night 1. He stood out of the crowd, although his height wasn't really that noticeable. (he's a bit short, you know). but he's REALLY cute!

it was a cheerdance competition when they performed and he was placed in the center. darn it, that's were he caught my attention..

when we took off from the school's premises for our sembreak, i barely even remembered him. its just as if, he's just a stranger i met then forgotten. LOL.. 

but as soon as the 2nd semester started, i began seeing him again. AND life is just so playful that we were made to be classmates for one subject---that is, PE 2. wew. so you see, my admiration to him returned. and i can no longer stop thinking about him.

every PE class would seem like a work of art for me, with him in the picture.

he was my inspiration to go to school and to enter the PE class early despite the schedule. (PE class was scheduled at 7:30 am- 9:30am every Tuesday.)

as the days, weeks and months moved on, i became so fond of him, especially the hobby of glancing (or should we say, staring) at him every now and then (especially when he's not looking). blah, i cant stop myself from doing it! bleh!

even though we're class mates already, we never really got the chance to befriend each other. not until PE night 2 was approaching. we were to present a social dance presentation together, as a class. i was tasked to be the leader of our class. in this social dance, i had another partner, so does he. so we never got the chance to have get-to-know-each-other conversations.

practices were tiring but the exhaustion in my face would just disappear as the thought of seeing him at practices enters my mind. weeee. so you see, i became so attracted to him. the practices also gives me the satisfaction of talking to him even though it just meant business (or, conversations regarding the practice). and time came, i have to get his number for me to contact them during practices. at first, i hesitated to contact him. i was shy, you know. but somehow, i managed to move my little fingers around the keypad of my celphone and wrote a group text. i also managed to send it to the group including him.

i did not expect he would reply, though. but he did. and his reply wasn't about the "business" at all. it was something personal ( ok, not too personal but still its personal). he said, "sorry ante kay badlungon ko". he even managed to joke about calling me "auntie". waaaa. i immediately replied and told him it was ok, but i also managed to joke by calling him "uncle",. eversince that night, we would call each other auntie and uncle. he would sent me messages asking me about our nstp classes or practices, or he even starts simple text conversations as if he wants me to socialize with him, too. (as i interpreted) i just socialize with his classmates kasi. im shy kasi sa kanya...

days of practices went on, until the PE NIGHT 2 arrived.

it was just this March 5, 2010 when we had our PE night celebration at UIC-Annex Gymnasium. it was so fun and worth remembering. not just because we became the 4th placer out of the 16 presentors. (watcha think about that, eh?). aahahah. but also, it was our first time that someone took a picture of us TOGETHER. and what made that picture special was that he put his arm on my shoulders. waaaa. uber kilig! HAPPINESS! but what i did not know was it was only an ARTIFICIAL HAPPINESS. everything would just end as soon as the night was over. i never knew this would be our LAST!

the happiness i felt was somehow thwarted when i saw their (he and her gf --- he has a girlfriend) picture together at mcdo (i saw this picture the next next morning.) woah! well, i tagged him at our photos at facebook, though. but i never really wanted to start a fight with his clingy girlfriend. but his gf, over reacted and started putting status in FB that points out to someone (ME)!!!! waaah, but i wasnt guilty though, i did not flirt, just befriended. i knew my limitations. anyways, knowing how girls feel, i symphatized with his gf, and just accepted the fact that we were just impossible to be together. and my friends told me, he was not worth it for me, too. 

well, everything has to end, you know., including us, and the happiness he inflicted upon me within those times that we spent together. haisxz.. i just hope someday, i would find that real happiness in someone. a happiness that would not just end in a glimpse.

and i guess that's it, evrything started at PE Night 1 and ended at PE Night 2. i guess that's just the whole span of our chapter together in my life. wew. short though, but worthwhile. i never regretted even the frustration of  losing him,. 

maybe, he wasn't just what GOD has planned out for me. even if i thought we started something.. waaaa.

hahah.. dream on. i'll meet MY  guy someday. GOD has plans. :))