THE STOP

"I've been stranded with YOU for quite some time already.
I think it's time to take a step forward."

I used to take my life one step at a time, and i made sure every step is worth taking.
But, when i bumped into YOU, i feel like i rather take it slower than i usually do.
Eventually, i made a STOP--- a rather inconvenient but entertaining STOP.
But, is it worth taking?

With all honesty, that stop was one of the good things that kept me satisfied for the times i needed
an extrinsic taste in my life. It was overwhelming, and much more to say, addictive.
It was the time i felt so satisfied of being who i am when im with you, that i no longer
feel like taking another step and i wanted more and more of those moments.
Yes, i was indeed stuck in the moment.

But not all good things are healthy, isn't it?
Well, of course, when i noticed that THAT STOP was getting unhealthy, i cut the tie.
I realized, I have to go on with my life and focus more on the destination that counts more,
the destination that is much more important to me, the destination that is RIGHT.
(Destinations are my aims when it comes to school, family, friends, self, etc.)
Sad to say, somehow i feel that THAT stop wasn't gonna take me any closer to that destination.
It was getting UNHEALTHY, and i cant do anything much to correct any deviations.

Cutting the tie was the "rightest" thing to do. It gave me the satisfaction
that we'll be facing different directions---two different but right directions.

Cutting the tie didn't mean i'd finally took the step, too.
Although, it gave me a just reason--an urge--to continue my walk.

But did i take the step?
NOPE. I DID NOT. For some reason, i do not know why.

I may have the reason already,
we may not have any connections already,
but, still, i don't feel like moving either of my feet.

WHY?
Maybe, because nothing much has changed. Only the tie, but we're all still the same.
I knew it. I won't be moving. Not, when im not given a PUSH.

You weren't moving, either,  which made me feel im MORE to be blamed,
for its not only me who has been jeopardized by this stop, but also you.
We have our whole life ahead of us, but where are we?
HERE, stuck in this HALLUCINATION that we're still okay, and we're still happy.

I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN. But, i just let it.
I wanted to, but then again, i dont. Mind-bugging decisions. arrgggg..

Nothing's holding me back anymore, no more deep feelings or people,
just the thought that i might miss that HAPPINESS and SATISFACTION.
So, why can't i take that effin' step? WHYYYYYY???????

Then, i heard the news, I'm happy you FINALLY made the step.
I felt much lighter knowing i can no longer be blamed.
You made a step, but i know, you're still looking back.
I won't meet your eyes, i wont take you aback.
So that sooner or later, you'll face front, hold your place, look straight, and know your aims.
It would be a healthier start. You'd be a better person than you already are.

Now, am i left out? OF COURSE, NOT.
Because here i am, NOW, lifting my right foot, planning to take the step.
FINALLY.

AM I TAKING THE STEP BECAUSE I WAS GETTING LEFT OUT?
super duper of course, NOT! no. no. NO.
im taking the step because now i've been pushed.
this was the push i've been waiting for.
the push that removed my guilt of breaking someone's heart,
and the push that opened my eyes from all those HALLUCINATIONS.

It's clearer now, i have to step.

You were ahead of me; when you made the stop. i stopped.
when you stayed, i stayed. when you moved, i found space to move forward, too.
I WAS BEHIND BECAUSE I WAS, at the first place, ALREADY GUILTY.
Guilty of treating you less than you deserved.

It's all clear. we're not meant to walk together, you are suppose to walk ahead of me.
And we're happier this way.
can't you see? im happy. you're happy.

NOW, IS IT WORTH IT? IS IT WORTH THE STOP?
above all odds, its worth it. but not worth another stop. :)

THANK YOU for that wonderful stop, though.
I guess, that's what i needed to keep my head back up straight.

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